How I Reclaim My Experience as a Breast Cancer Survivor

“No evidence of disease.” Also known as NED. This medical terminology translates to cancer remission. “No evidence of disease” aptly describes the state in which your body has been examined for signs of cancer and that at that moment there is no evidence of cancer. Typically, either you have undergone imaging tests or have been physically evaluated, such as with a biopsy, and the results don’t show any signs of cancer. Cue the biggest, baddest, and brightest celebration possible! When I reached remission from breast cancer, I thought, “It’s finally all over. I have officially survived!”

While the world around me is ready to move on, and believe me, I am too, there is a piece of my diagnosis that lingers. It may not be active as far as I’m aware, but I still carry my cancer with me. There is a persistent, underlying consideration that it could be back at any time.

Although I’ve done everything I can do to reduce my risk of recurrence, from having my breasts removed to altering my diet, I cannot fully be convinced it won’t return. Especially when the impossible had already happened, being diagnosed with breast cancer in the first place at age 32 without any family history, identified risk factors, or foreseeable causes.

There are definitely moments I catch myself having completely forgotten I had breast cancer, moving freely and fearlessly through my life. Then, suddenly I’m reminded. Whether I feel a phantom stab in my chest that I have no sensation in otherwise, or my calendar alerts me I'm due to see one of my doctors, or I come across a pink ribbon. As much as it makes sense that I’d want to forget it ever happened, I feel the impact breast cancer has on my life is worth recognition.

Part of moving forward includes acknowledging it. When it’s on my mind, I say, “I see you,” and I coach myself through any thoughts or concerns that come up. It might involve a few more appointments with my doctors than necessary, pausing to breathe through nerve pain, or still considering whether the pink breast cancer ribbon is triggering or hopeful (I flip-flop between the two ideas). This has been key in remission for me to be able to continue to move freely and fearlessly through my life, unbound to my breast cancer diagnosis while still knowing I have it. I see you breast cancer, and I continue to move forward.